When I think about the people I respect most in life, I think of people who are calm in almost all circumstances—people who demonstrate true life leadership. They rarely, if ever, seem to be frazzled or overwhelmed. Their ability to manage priorities and make time for all the important things in life—regular exercise, meditation and prayer, quality time with family and friends, reading, and laughing—is what I consider success. These are the foundational lessons I now share through my coaching.
For a long time, I was the total opposite. I was completely frazzled and overwhelmed. I would work like an absolute dog, chasing the bottom of my inbox, and felt a steady stream of ‘terrible’ seven days a week. I became a martyr, convinced that the people who were able to manage all of those things didn’t have as much to carry as I did.
What I didn’t know back then was that no one was going to save me but me. This realization, a critical step in burn-out recovery for women, came when I became a mother and my career took a backseat. I realized that my relentless pursuit of doing it all was destroying my health and happiness. The secret, I found, was simple:
You can either do it all and half-ass most of it OR you can choose to lead yourself first and live your best life. If you want to live your best life, the only answer is to put on your own oxygen mask first. If you neglect this, your life stops being yours—it becomes everyone else’s—and you will burnout, become resentful, lose yourself, or all of the above. I would much rather have a life that I love than try to do it all and feel rotten. To me this is the true definition of life balance.
Most people I work with tell me they don’t have time to take care of themselves first, which means you have to make the time. Cut out the parts that aren’t a hell yes. Cut out the parts that don’t allow you to stay healthy. Cut out the parts that cause you undue stress and friction. For me, that has meant saying no to a lot of invitations and extra-curriculars. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s certainly been worth it.
I’m still figuring it out because life changes with each passing season. Aging parents and active kids leave little room for “me time.” I’ve had to carve it out and protect it like my life depends on it (because it does!). After much trial and error, I can confirm that putting on my own oxygen mask first has allowed me to be the best version of myself for all the people around me. And maybe, in some small way, I’m finally starting to resemble the calm, balanced people I’ve admired all along.
